Dark Feminine Energy - Reclaiming your inner Warrior

‘You’ll be happy to know that after three years, I’m finally making my return to the gym tonight,’ my manager announced from beside me as I clocked out of work for the day. ‘Say your goodbyes to the dad bod.’ He patted his stomach and looked at me with a grin. 
 ‘Nice, you can tell me how it goes tomorrow,’ I replied. In truth, I had no real interest in what my manager did outside of work, but it was only my third week at this job and I was trying my best to be polite and stay on his good side. 
‘I’ll let you feel how it goes tomorrow,’ he said, his voice dripping with innuendo. I whipped my head up from the computer screen to look at him. 
 ‘What?’ I half gasped, half laughed to hide my shock. 
 ‘That was bad, I shouldn’t have said that,’ he chuckled and clapped me lightly on the back, ‘but you know I was only joking, don’t you?’ 
Don’t touch me, I thought as I hastily logged out of the computer and threw my bag over my shoulder.
 ‘Sure,’ was my reply. 
 ‘See ya Gem, have a good night!’ he called after me as I walked out of the restaurant. I ignored him, pretending to be busy looking at something on my phone while I walked to my car.

It wasn’t the first time he had said something inappropriate to me at work. In fact, his offhand comments and distasteful jokes were fast becoming a daily occurrence. I tried to convince myself that he might notice my discomfort and go back to maintaining a professional relationship with me, but unfortunately, things only became worse.

‘You need to say something!’ My best friend urged me after I had told her about his behaviour towards me a few weeks later. ‘You can’t let him get away with that.’ 
 ‘I know, I want to, but he’s my boss. What if he gets mad and makes work hell for me? Or worse, cuts my shifts?’ 
 ‘Well sure, that is a possibility, but you can’t just let him say these things to you and laugh it off like it’s okay. He’s being inappropriate and making you uncomfortable and he needs to know that he can’t do that. I would never let a man speak to me that way!’
 ‘I know you wouldn’t,’ I sighed wishing I had more resilience or guts or whatever it was that Laura had that gave her the ability to stand up for herself so easily. ‘I just feel like if I say something it will make things really awkward.’ 
 ‘Again, a possibility,’ she shrugged, ‘but isn’t the alternative worse?’ 
 I groaned, rubbing my temples because this conversation was giving me a headache. If I felt this uncomfortable at the mere thought of saying something next time he made an inappropriate comment, how was I ever going to actually find the guts to do it? 
 ‘I know it makes you uncomfortable Gem, but I really think this is something you need to do for yourself. And if not for yourself, then at least do it for the other girls you work with that are younger than you,’ she smiled and gave my hand a gentle squeeze before leaving me at the dinner table to contemplate what I knew I had to do.

A few weeks and many more inappropriate comments later, my manager ended up being fired for sexual harassment, but instead of feeling relieved, I somehow felt even more on edge. Because despite the fact that his behaviour had become even worse since my conversation with Laura, I never ended up having the courage to say anything directly to his face, but rather confided in a co-worker who then informed the owner of the restaurant, who immediately confronted him on my behalf and terminated his contract.

The day after he was fired, I spent the whole day paranoid that he was going to turn up at work and confront me. I had already blocked his number and social media days beforehand, but was terrified to check my phone in case he somehow found another way to contact me. That night as I lay in bed, memories of every other time I had been disrespected or been taken advantage of by a man flooded into my consciousness and I truly realised just how helpless, weak and utterly powerless to defend myself I had always been, and frighteningly, still was.

But being sexually harassed by my manager was the canon event I needed to finally wake me up to the fact that I didn’t want to remain that way any longer. That I didn’t want to continue living my life with no backbone and no ability to stand up for myself.

And that realisation caused something to change within me. Coaxed a part of me that had long been asleep to begin to stir and eventually, awaken….

My Dark Feminine Energy.

The aspect of myself that I had been unknowingly repressing my whole life. The part of me that knew exactly how to guard, defend and protect. My inner warrior.

And thus, the reintegration of my dark feminine energy began.

So what exactly is dark feminine energy?

While the light feminine can be characterised by her soft, sweet, gentle, compassionate, nurturing, surrendered, unconditionally loving presence — the dark feminine is characterised by her confident, expressive, assertive, magnetic and extremely potent and powerful nature.

You can think of the light feminine as the mother, the maiden and the queen archetypes while the dark feminine is represented by the sage, the lover, the mystic and the huntress archetypes.

The wise woman, the divine alchemist, the fierce defender. She is the one who severs the cords of unhealthy connections, willingly goes into battle to defend herself and those that she loves and sets flame to the bridges behind her as she walks away from anything that no longer serves her.

The dark feminine is the DESTRUCTOR so that the light feminine may be the CREATOR, representing the complete OBLITERATION of anything that no longer aligns in order to create space so that she may EXPAND & REGENERATE more of what is aligned.

She is powerful, assertive and direct, so that the light feminine may be submissive, surrendered and soft.

And just to make things clear; embodying your dark feminine energy does not mean being cold, hard, guarded and closed off to the masculine and to love. It does not mean being arrogant and conceited or coming across as intimidating and unapproachable. It is not being the ‘villain’ who uses her beauty or toxic psychology tricks to seduce and manipulate men. Nor is it striving to conquer the world by being a strong independent boss bitch who ‘don’t need no man’ because she can do it all for herself.

This is the dark feminine in her wounded + immature expression.

The woman who embodies her healthy + mature dark feminine energy confidently expresses herself and takes up space without being loud, showy and overbearing. She asserts her boundaries and speaks her truth without being harsh, hostile and aggressive. And she claims her desires and commands respect for herself without being bossy, controlling and forceful.

How? 
Because instead of seeking validation and approval from others, she validates and approves of herself. Instead of searching for her worth externally, she understands that she is inherently worthy and deserving of everything she desires in life. And instead of waiting for someone else to love her before she feels loved, she understands that she can only be seen, heard and held to the depths she has seen, heard and held herself first, and thus has learnt how to self-source unconditional love from the infinite well that lives inside of her and nourishes her own heart before she allows anyone else access to it.

And what I have learnt through my own journey, is that harnessing your dark feminine energy is the key to being able to tap into your inner strength so that you may uphold rock-solid boundaries with yourself and others, confidently communicate your needs and desires and speak up for yourself without guilt, embarrassment or shame.

Because embodying your dark feminine energy is the vehicle through which you are able to transform yourself from being a victim into the victor and is the very process that enabled me to transition from being a girl who was terrified of disappointing, upsetting or displeasing others, into the woman who is now no longer afraid of letting anyone, especially men, who threaten to disrespect me know that I am intensely proud of the woman I am becoming and will protect her at all costs.

‘Do not fuck with me’ my inner warrior whispers in the ear of the immature masculine the moment she senses he is about to step foot over the boundaries she so carefully constructed. Because she does not tolerate the behaviour of such men anymore. And neither do I.

Trusting & surrendering to the process of life, always. 
With love, Gem x