How to spot a Fuck Boy from a mile away…

Based on a true story.

Earth to Gemma!’’ Zach said, waving his hand in front of my face, abruptly snapping me out of my daydream. My attention was brought back to the room where I saw my friends staring at me, patiently waiting for me to take my turn.  
            ‘Sorry guys,’ I mumbled, shuffling through my cards and putting down a reverse, ‘my mind was elsewhere.’
            ‘Ah, yeah, we gathered that. You’ve been off with the fairies all afternoon,’ Zach laughed.  
            ‘And who exactly is it that has done such a good job at capturing your attention so well that you can’t even get through one game of UNO without completely zoning out?’ Georgia asked, narrowing her eyes at me. There was no point in denying that it was a boy. Georgia and I had been friends since high school and sometimes I was convinced she knew me better than I knew myself.
            ‘The guy I hung out with last night hasn’t messaged me all day,’ I confessed with a heavy sigh. She gasped, throwing her cards onto the table.
            ‘Oh my god! You slept with him, didn’t you?!’
            ‘No, I didn’t!’ I denied, though the way that my voice cracked on the last word gave me away.
            ‘I don’t believe you,’ she said, eyeing me suspiciously and it was in that moment that I knew there was no way of getting out of this other than telling the three of them the truth. I blew out a long breath, feeling every ounce of the shame that had been eating away at my stomach since last night.
            ‘Fine. He invited me to his house so he could cook me dinner and then somehow, we ended up in his room and one thing led to another-’
            ‘Gemma! I thought we agreed, no more going to a guy’s house within the first two months of meeting them?!’ Georgia cut me off.
            ‘I know, I know, but I swear, he seemed different than the others.’
            ‘You do know you say that every time, right?’ Marcus smirked at me from across the table.
            ‘I do not!’ I shouted back at him.
            ‘Yes, you do,’ all three of them said simultaneously, which threw them into a fit of laughter.  
            ‘Ugh,’ I groaned, hanging my head in my hands, ‘I’m so stupid.’
            ‘No, you’re not,’ Zach said, putting an arm around my shoulders, ‘you just have no radar for fuckboys.’
            ‘He seemed so nice though, how was I supposed to know all he wanted was to sleep with me?’
I watched as Georgia’s face softened and knew that meant she had decided to forgo her usual tough-love for a gentler approach.  
            ‘Rule number one for spotting a fuck boy from a mile away Gem, she began, ‘if he invites you to his house within the first few weeks of getting to know you, I guarantee all he wants from you is sex.’
            ‘But he told me he wanted to cook me dinner and made it seem like he wanted to do something nice for me...’ I said in a weak attempt to defend myself.  
            ‘Yeah of course he did, guys like that are super manipulative and have a multitude of tactics to get you to come over.’
            ‘Like that guy who cancelled our dinner date and invited me over to watch a movie instead because he’d ‘sprained his ankle playing footy and couldn’t drive?’’ I said, finally catching on.
            ‘Exactly,’ she nodded her head in confirmation. ‘A mature man who is genuinely interested in you will take you out on proper dates so that he can get to know you outside of the bedroom.’
            ‘Mature men are very respectful, very mindful,’ Marcus chimed in, making us all laugh.
            ‘Okay, so it doesn’t matter what story a guy tells me, if he tries to get me to come to his house within the first few months, he’s a fuckboy.’
            ‘Correct,’ Georgia smiled.
            ‘Rule number two,’ Zach announced, ‘if you don’t hear from him all day, especially after having sex with him,’ he gave me a pointed look, ‘he’s not genuinely interested in you. If he takes a whole day or longer to reply to you, he’s not genuinely interested in you. And if he’s leaving you on read or ghosting you for days at a time, he is not genuinely interested in you and he’s talking to other girls.’
            ‘That was harsh,’ I muttered, recoiling at his words.
            ‘Maybe it’s harsh, but it’s the truth,’ he shrugged, offering me a sympathetic smile.
            ‘And rule number three,’ Marcus stated, ‘any man who is not making you feel like you are a top priority in his life does not have your best interests at heart.’
            ‘So, what Zach just said?’ I clarified.  
            ‘That’s one element of it,’ Marcus nodded,’ but it goes a lot deeper than that.’
            ‘Okay, go on,’ I urged him.
            ‘Taking you on proper dates and communicating with you in a healthy way is one thing, but being thoughtful and attentive to your needs and making you feel special and seen is another altogether. If a man is truly into you Gem, he will do whatever is required to keep you in his life and you will never feel like you’re asking too much or that you are hard to love.’
Marcus’s words struck a chord somewhere deep within me and I had no control over the stream of tears that began to flow down my cheeks.
            ‘Oh, honey,’ he sighed and a moment later, I felt the weight of my friends as they wrapped me in their arms. I have no idea how long we sat there like that on Georgia’s living room floor, but by the time we got up we were all stiff and the last of my tears had dried.  

Later that night, I continued to hear Marcus’s words on repeat in my mind. Like a record player stuck in a loop, they provided a background track my whole drive home, as I cooked and ate dinner and while I showered and blow dried my hair. ‘If a man is truly into you Gem, you will never feel like you’re asking too much or that you are hard to love.’ I knew the reason his words had hit me so deeply was because that was precisely my fear. On some subconscious level, I believed that I was hard to love and that I was asking for too much. And so, I accepted less than what I deserved, all because the little girl within me was so desperate to feel seen and cherished and loved, and acknowledging that fact was enough for it to finally occur to me what the very first step I needed to take to stop attracting fuck boys into my life and heal my deep-rooted father wound was. Raise. My. Standards. And so, in that very moment, I made the decision then and there that I would never allow a fuck boy to manipulate me, take advantage of me or play his tricks on me ever again.
As I crawled into bed a few hours later and went to set my alarm for work the next morning, the text message I had been waiting for all day suddenly appeared on my phone;
            ‘Hey you, hope you had a good day. Last night was fun, let’s do it again soon ;)’

Instead of feeling happy and relieved to finally hear from him, my stomach turned sour and I didn’t hesitate for even a moment before deleting our conversation and blocking his number. I switched my phone to do not disturb and felt a deep sense of peace that I hadn’t felt in a long time slowly settle over me. Never again, I promised to myself as I drifted off to sleep. Never again.